#WhyIDidntReport, and What Happened When I Did
“I have no doubt that, if the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed with local Law Enforcement Authorities by either her or her loving parents. I ask that she bring those filings forward so that we can learn date, time, and place!”
Donald J. Trump
6:14 AM – 21 Sep 2018
Women across the nation are sharing their own horrifying experiences and the reasons they never reported them to the authorities. I read the stories with a mixture of sadness, anger, and pride. No matter how many years pass, the reliving is still painful and raw, but these women warriors are going to battle for one of our own – Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.
We believe her, not only because she is a highly credible witness, risking her career and personal safety to come forward when this nation most needs the truth, but because her story is ours.
The first time, I was seven years old. I was physically terrorized and sexually assaulted by a babysitter. I didn’t report it because she threatened to hurt me and kill my family. I didn’t report it because I was ashamed. I didn’t report it because I feared that, if the grown-ups got involved, I would get in trouble, too.
I was a shy girl, quiet and vulnerable. There were others after that – acquaintances of my parents, neighbors, and teachers. My parents never knew. I never told.
Until I was nineteen. Waiting for a bus after an A.A. meeting, I was dragged through a hedge at knifepoint. I hadn’t yet started Karate, but I screamed and fought to the best of my ability. Every attempt to escape led to increased violence. He raped me in a muddy creek in a cold dark ravine. I ended up in the hospital, brutally beaten, hair yanked out in chunks, knees grated on concrete, hands, face, and throat sliced open. The police were called.
So this time I did report. I had been minding my own business, waiting for a bus. I was wearing blue jeans and a thigh-length army parka, not remotely seductive. I hadn’t been drinking.
I’ll leave the question of whether it was better to report to the authorities up to you.
They sent an officer to interview me in my home. I was alone when he arrived, a large silver-haired man with a gun. He sat facing me at the table, took out a clipboard, and began questioning me about what I had been wearing when I was raped. Still heavily bandaged, one eye covered with gauze and tape, I found myself trying to justify my choice to avoid panty lines by not wearing underwear that night.
There were a couple of line-ups, another traumatic experience with a hypnotherapist, but they never arrested the man. They never found him.
That was 37 years ago. When it comes to reporting today, many departments have victims’ advocates available. It’s unlikely that female victims will be confronted by a male police officer when they are alone. But, even now, “The Vast Majority of Perpetrators Will Not Go to Jail or Prison.”
I’m not implying that victims shouldn’t report to the authorities. But the decision to keep quiet is not only common, it’s understandable.
Copyright © 2018 Carmel Mawle. All rights reserved.
14 thoughts on “#WhyIDidntReport, and What Happened When I Did”
0h, my god. I’m so terribly sorry, Carmel. Vaughn tells me that he barely escaped a serial rapist when he was just 12.
Would you object to my sharing this post?
Thank you, Rebekah. Please feel free to share. I’m so glad Vaughn escaped.
Thank you for your bravery in speaking out, Carmel! I did not know your full story of this. I am so sad and sorry these things happened to you! I agree, it is hard to tell people about abuse. When I first told a teacher in 7th grade, she seemed very surprised and saud, “You seem like such a nice girl!” as if nice girls don’t get abused? It us sad to see that even now, when victims speak up, they are still not believed ir are shamed in the process.
I hope we as a society can overcome this tendency to disbelieve first and shame, rather than support, nurture, and encourage. Prayers for progress in this area of “Me Too.”
Thank you for sharing this, Linda. Much love to you.
You are a brave and strong woman. Thank you for speaking out. It is brave women like you who are changing the world.
All my love to you.
Thank you so much, Sandy. Love you, too.
When I was raped, beaten, sodomized, drugged and tied to the pipes in Egypt I ended up in a hospital where everyone believed me and a trial was held and recorded to be used when they caught the guy–which they did. I remember thinking how lucky I was this happened in a Muslim Country and not in the U.S.!!! The nun who cared for me, only said “Never go alone,” and said it is OK to beat your wife in Egypt, but not strange women. (So let’s not get too enthusiastic about the respect for women in Egypt). Anyway, since I am a writer, I started taking notes in the hospital as soon as my black eye opened. When I got home I told EVERYONE!. I soon published the piece I wrote as I wanted to reveal the goodness of the Muslim people and Italian nuns. (This piece has been republished a couple of times, including by Carmel on the Writing For Piece website. Still, I had to go to a shrink for PTSD. She said something interesting which is that if you didn’t have a background of sexual abuse in childhood you could survive an adult trauma of the same kind. But I would recommend WRITING down what happened immediately and telling friends even if you can’t report it.
Thank you for sharing your story, Vicki. A powerful experience in so many ways.
Oh goodness Carmel. My heart breaks as I think about your story. How scary and traumatizing that would have been for anyone. I commend you for sharing and for your strength. Much love and more power to you….
Thank you, Tasnim. So good to hear from you! Much love to you and yours. Keep in touch.
Powerful article! Takes an extremely strong and brave woman (or man) to come out and talk about such painful events.
Thank you, Angela. Love you.
Carmel, I didn’t know your first violent experience occurred at such an early age. I’m so sorry. The Me too movement has reminded me of my violent encounters, one especially violent at my junior high school that I was too afraid and ashamed to tell my friends let alone adults. I believe Dr. Ford —her attack is seared in her memory as are the awful memories of all survivors. Dr. Ford is courageous and she testified with dignity. She is my hero.
Thank you for sharing that, Michelle. I agree. Dr. Ford showed incredible strength and courage, with such grace. What a moment in history, one I hope will be seared in all our brains until November, and beyond.
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